RHOSLC S5 Finale Recap
"You have a leaky gut. Take a probiotic."
Watch my 34-second video recap here.
Meredith sits alone at the breakfast table staring off into the distance with one eye.
Heather joins her and says she can’t believe how Meredith yelled at her the night before. Meredith says she woke up at 4 am with a scratched cornea. Heather says “I accept your apology.”
The women go to lunch in Lisa Barlow cosplay where a fearful young waiter takes their order. Whitney tells Lisa she’s fake. Lisa tells Whitney she has a leaky gut and should take a probiotic. A concerned father covers his child’s ears.
Britani says she will never recover from what happened on the bus. Meredith says she’ll never recover from Britani accusing her of crying and throwing up. Britani flees from the table wearing a pile of wigs. Angie follows Britani which triggers Mary’s abandonment issues.
Heather worries they will be late for an urgent ceviche-making class.
Whitney, Heather, Angie, and Britani go make ceviche even though Angie wants to make a Greek salad.
The other women go horseback riding, but Mary worries for Meredith’s safety because the #1 rule of getting on a horse is “don’t do it if you can’t hear.”
Bronwyn’s horse rejects her immediately; Meredith’s horse spins in a circle and farts.
At dinner, Angie asks Mary if she wants a piece of pepperoni prompting Mary to try to break up with Angie as a friend. Angie doesn’t accept this and fights for their relationship. They make up and hold hands in Whitney’s lap.
Meredith reveals she has flipped a key witness in the Prism/Alibaba case.
Bronwyn is dressed like the Rainforest Cafe.
Heather, known for hosting team-building activities like, “Who Would You Throw Off Your Wagon (And Leave To Die)?”, says the only way they’ll be able to heal as a group is if they all pull out their phones and read the meanest thing they’ve ever texted about someone at the table. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Britani’s scathing text is about Mary, and how she didn’t want Mary to come over for tea.
Mary’s text is about Heather, and how fame has changed her.
Heather’s text is about Whitney, and how she is “a low-life thirsty piece of shit.”
Bronwyn’s text is about Britani, and how she is emotionally manipulative.
Angie’s text is about Bronwyn, and how she “married a man with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.”
Whitney’s text is redacted because I don’t want to get sued.
Lisa yells at Angie about circle jerks and then hides behind a centerpiece.
Angie throws flower petals at Lisa while her nipple is out.
Lisa rips off her mic.
Meredith stomps off.
Heather says oopsies.
Whitney says it was hillling.